The Bachelor Season Premiere Recap: One Night in and Colton's Already in Trouble

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Colton was chosen to be the next bachelor over two of his fellow Bachelorette contestant from the season, a decision that came with a fair amount of backlash on social media. And here is our villain for real. Colton has his work cut out for him during this upcoming season and it sounds as if that January 7 show will be packed with activity. If you told the police the man that robbed you was a virgin, that would not help in any capacity.

So she steals him back. Chris' was the farmer looking to find someone willing to move to rural Iowa. And later they get a bunch of audience members to line up in bikinis and Host Chris says that Ryan Seacrest is on the guest list for the hot tub.

Colton Underwood on the 'Bachelor' Premiere, First Impression Rose, and Whether He Would Do 'DWTS'

Do you love watching crowds of people huddled in the cold. Is your idea of a thrilling evening of television watching the human equivalent of dry toast throwing focus across the country, where someone who has no business holding a microphone is holding a microphone. Instead of counting down to a new year, do you wish that people were blowing noisemakers and pom-poms counting down until. Then this weird-ass format of The Bachelor premiere is for you, and bachelor premiere 2019 might be the literal only human on Earth who this new format is for. With some different lighting and the background music playing in a minor key, this whole thing could look like Chris Harrison is some psychosexual killer who is obsessed with holding large groups of people hostage and forcing them to praise sexual purity. I have zero angst or stress about Colton being a virgin. Being a virgin is not bachelor premiere 2019 personality. If you told the police the man that robbed you was a virgin, that would not help in any capacity. So amongst all this live Bachelor Nation party footage, what do we get. They really think we like them and we do not. Krystal and Goose are sitting in a hot tub on the roof of the studio. And later they get a bunch of audience members to line up in bikinis and Host Chris says that Ryan Seacrest is on the guest list for the hot tub. There was bachelor premiere 2019 another proposal, but I gotta be honest fam, I did sitting-upright power naps through the live segments after the first hour. Colton asks for privacy during this trying time. This whole thing feels as slapped-together as a midterm paper that you started the night before. Then she signed up for The Bachelor. She wants her first kiss to be with Colton. This is an episode of Black Mirror. Host Chris asks him if he remembers what he said to Becca. Demi is the first to arrive and she has a nightmarish 2005 matching two-piece set. Colton picks one up and puts it in his pocket. Listen, everyone on Twitter has been obsessed with Bri, who isbut she got no airtime after she arrived. Catherine arrives and she is 26 but looks like a Real Housewife from one of the newer bachelor premiere 2019 cities. Colton has to deliver the intro-to-the-season speech, and it is rough. Colton is not going to parlay this into an on-camera position or the now-inevitable podcast. Colton kisses Miss North Carolina after he calls her Miss Carolina and he does a breathing exercise with Hannah G. Is that Alabama Hannah or … the other one. Again, the editing here is Godard-esque, giving us only surreal flashes of this cocktail party. Someone from Alaska put a dead salmon in the pool. Tayshia rode him like a pony. The Sloth-Ass Bitch was in a tree. Catherine decides to get some quality face time with Colton, but when Tracy steals bachelor premiere 2019 away, Catherine will not stand for that. So she steals him back. I already love this dumb bitch. All the other ladytestants watch Catherine assert her dominance, and Onyeka decides to right this grave injustice. She puts on a snorkel and blows a whistle, because you all know you can blow a whistle underwater. This is the greatest cocktail-party strategy in American history. All of the other ladytestants are sitting inside freaking out. Why are you freaking out, ladytestants. No one gets points for politeness. Colton ends up giving the first-impression rose to … one of the Hannahs. Catherine acted as if she had a time turner and that bitch is getting a rose. Miss Carolina, Katie, Alex B. When the ladies exit the mansion, the sun is up and the ladytestants with roses are laughing behind them. This is truly the bleakest season.

The contestants for 's season of have been officially revealed! Also saying it like that makes me think, Big whoop-de-doo! The adrenaline and excitement will get me through it. I have zero angst or stress about Colton being a virgin. Erika when she finds out Colton is, in fact, not waiting for marriage. She talked to Colton for a little bit, and then she got interrupted. Make sure you know when shows like , True Detective, This Is Us, and all of your beloved shows will be airing.